By Valerie Doyle
Step One of Five: You must wait until you are both calm. Keep in mind that the Goal is greater understanding. Each of your realities has validity. Do not focus on "the facts." Pay attention to the common barriers to communication: Stop the "Four Horsemen" and use their antidotes: Instead of Criticism, use a gentle start-up or make a request, Instead of being defensive, take responsibility for how you are feeling, Instead of Contempt ("I'm better than you" comments), build a culture of appreciation, Instead of Stonewalling, self-sooth. Step One: Share only how you felt. Do not say why you felt that way. Avoid commenting on your partner's feelings. Source: The Gottman Institute